It’s been a while since I’ve written about my life. Not much going on. I’m back to my mundane routine. Home, varsity, home. But there is something different about me – I’m trying to push myself; testing my limits. I’m up for activities, but things aren’t just working out. Perhaps my luck has finally run out?
Last year was truly amazing. One of the best years of my life. I started living again. I had fun for a change. Those frequent outings with friends, night drives, robotic workshop, and to top it off: the trip to Banderban. The following trip to Chittagong was great as well. But the new year started with a bump. I knew I wasn’t going for a smooth ride this time around.
The semester started with an unlikely experience, so as to prove my earlier speculations. I’m not concentrating, kind of drifting along. I know what I’m suppose to do, still I’m procrastinating. My head is on the cloud. I know what’s causing this. I’ve fallen victim to an impractical dream.
Although I know it’s difficult to achieve, I’m chasing it. I’ve stopped resisting a long time ago. I’m going with the flow, following my instincts, making up plans on the way. Still I want more. I want it more than anything. But the dream is draining me, emotionally. I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve, as always. Limiting my happiness…
What else can I do? I can’t fight off that intense desire. I don’t want to. I want to give in to it. But day dreaming and planning my next move all freaking day, isn’t really helping. I’m becoming more and more attached. I’m being more aggressive. I’m afraid that I might vent my frustrations on wrong places.
I can’t let go. Not now, not after all that has occurred. There is a nagging question in the back of my mind. I’m ignoring it for the time being. But it still poking out it’s ugly head.
What will happen, when the dream’s over?
I really don’t know. I might loose everything. The dream has become an integral part of my very existence. Bittersweet.
No comments:
Post a Comment